A collection of some of the very best and funny food quotes and sayings that will make you laugh. This is one of my favorite funny food quotes by Calvin Trillin – “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

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Funny food quotes and sayings
Funny Food Quotes and Sayings

Funny Food Quotes

1. If food were free, why work? – Douglas Horton

2. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. – Dave Barry

3. When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny. – Greg Tamblyn

4. Dieting is when you eat food that makes you sad. – Unknown

5. I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. – Unknown

6. Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch. – Orson Welles

7. Snack time heals all wounds. – Bridger Winegar

8. If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk. – Bridger Winegar

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9. There are only three things women need in life… Food, Water, and Compliments. – Chris Rock

10. Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God… I could be eating a slow learner! – Lynda Montgomery

Quotes About Food

Every woman needs quote
Every woman needs quote

11. I’m not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day. – Andy Borowitz

12. If I got as worked up about social injustices as I do when Ben & Jerry’s runs out of sprinkles I could really do some good in this world. – Gonnnzo

13. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. – A. Whitney Brown

14. I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o’clock in the morning. – John Barrymore

15. British potato chips differ from the American version in that the English chips are grey and soggy, as if they were laundered with dirty socks. They can be delicious if you’ve taken complete leave of your senses. – Bruce Cameron

16. All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz

17. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. – George Carlin

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18. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?. – Anonymous

19. I don’t eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don’t eat anything that looks like I should step on it. – George Carlin

20. The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you’re hungry again. – George Miller

Cute Food Quotes

Funny how to diet quote
Funny how to diet quote

21. If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. – Abraham Lincoln

22. Food is a lot of people’s thereapy – When we say comfort food, we really mean that. It’s releasing dopamine and serotonin in your brian that makes you feel good. – Brett Hoebel

23. One man’s fish is another man’s ‘poisson’. – Carolyn Wells

24. Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche. – Lewis Grizzard

25. I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. – Rita Rudner

26. I used to be shy about ordering a steak after I had eaten a steak sandwich, but I got used to it. – A. J. Liebling

27. Gonna open a store that sells nothing but bagels and donuts and call it Hole Foods. – Gonnnzo

28. Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments. – Bethenny Frankel

29. How am I supposed to relax in a world where “truffle” can mean either chocolate or fungus?. – from a cartoon by Dan Piraro

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30. Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos. – Don Kardong

Famous Food Quotes

Funny food quotes
Funny food quotes

31. If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger. – Matthew Dolkart

32. Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the reason I have trust issues. – Ruminations.com

33. Drinking good wine with good food in good company, is one of life’s most civilized pleasures. – Unknown

34. It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. – Douglas Adams

35. A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze. – Stephen King

36. My daughters think ketchup is a vegetable. – Bowen White

37. I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’ – Phyllis Diller

38. I like food. I like eating. And I don’t want to deprive myself of good food. – Sarah Michelle Gellar

39. I avoid oysters, which are clearly – scientists should look into this next – members of the phlegm family. – Dave Barry

40. Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the “patty” group, which includes hamburgers, fish sticks, and McNuggets – foods that have had all their organs safely removed someplace far away, such as Nebraska. – Dave Barry